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Killing People With Pizza pt1. The [mostly] Sad Demographics I see delivering pizzas
Context: this winter I've taken up pizza delivery driving for a 2nd job, well sorta, I'm laid off from my main job for the winter. This is the 3rd time I've delivered pizzas in my life. I live in a college town so we do a lot of business with students. You could divide our customer base into a few obvious categories:
Dads/babysitters with kids. Probably my favorite group, they tip well, it makes sense, plus this was my experience with pizza as a little kid.
Empty Nesters. Couples in the 60s w/ no kids and usually a little yappy dog. Sad, can’t be good for people on heart meds to eat pizzas. These folks love saving $ by coming and picking up their food, which I respect.
Adolescents (almost always boys) home alone. Terrible tippers, fuck these little assholes, they destroy my average tip during school vacations.
Gamers/nerds. Usually overweight white guys or Asian forex students. Actually fairly successful and at least okay tippers on average. I know one regular in a manager at Walmart (hey that’s probably statistically above average in the US) and I see a lot of them clearly making some $$ via the internet. Literally, I am sure some regulars are WoW Gold Farmers...
Hungovehigh people in their 20s and 30s. Maybe the most frustrating clientele, as I’m in this age group, but these people are clearly living in excess and I would wager most of them have low or negative net worth, which they could improve if they cut out a couple thousand dollar a year pizza habit plus couple thousand of dollar a year drinking/weed habit.
Poor families/poor single moms. Very sad, terrible tippers, just stuck in a poverty trap. Nuff said.
Older single women. We're talking age 55+. These vary from cat ladies to just retired women. Not very good tippers. Clearly have grandkids and usually some pets. Live in working class or poor neighborhoods.
Fat successful chicks. Seemingly on the up & up professionally, have nice apartments, new cars, etc OR I deliver the them at work and they’re like middle managers at banks, realtors, etc. But they clearly don’t have good eating habits and spend a shit load on pizza. This one of our most profitable demographics. They buy a lot of overpriced items like pastas and breadsticks, because maybe those are less embarassing than ordering yourself a pizza?
College students. Self explanatory, except where the fuck are they getting the money for all this pizza? We have a lot of regular college student customers. I went to college and only remember getting delivery food once or twice a semester and it was always as a group. I deliver to a lot of students ‘studying’ or whatever who just order a single meal for a single person.
Elementary Schools. Large lunch orders are almost a daily occurrence. Some are for special occasions, but we’re actually a subcontractor for one middle school’s cafeteria. Three times a week we bring them 10 or so pizzas at some super low set rate, like $5/large pizza, and they turn around and sell that pizza by the slice for like $2. REALLY DEPRESSING, because we obviously only allow this because Domino’s knows that it will get this kids addicted to pizza… ugh [sigh].
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